What Do I Know of Holy?

Lately I’ve been battling a faith crisis in a major way. I know it seems silly, that someone who is going into full-time ministry would fight to believe that God loves her. A lot of it has to deal with unmet and perhaps somewhat unrealistic expectations, but somehow I’m still not fully grasping it. My head gets it, but my heart is still wanting to rebel against the God I know I love. It’s a little embarrassing to admit that. But I know that if I confess my sin to Him, he is faithful and just to forgive me and cleanse me from every wrong. 1 John 1:9 makes that clear. With that confession comes another- that over the past few days, I’ve felt too weak to even pray coherent thoughts. So I’ve had this song on repeat in my little Hyundai, hoping that as I belt the words, that God would know what I am trying to say. It’s by Addison Road, and it’s titled What Do I Know of Holy?

I made You promises a thousand times
I tried to hear from Heaven, but I talked the whole time
I think I made You too small, I never feared You at all, No
If You touched my face would I know You?
Looked into my eyes could I behold You?

What do I know of You, who spoke me into motion?
Where have I even stood, but the shore along Your ocean?
Are You fire? Are You fury? Are You sacred? Are You beautiful?
What do I know? What do I know of Holy?

I guess I thought that I had figured You out
I knew all the stories and I learned to talk about
How You were might to save
Those were only empty words on a page
Then I caught a glimpse of who You might be
The slightest hint of You brought me down to my knees

What do I know of You, who spoke me into motion?
Where have I even stood, but the shore along Your ocean?
Are You fire? Are You fury? Are You sacred? Are You beautiful?
What do I know? What do I know of Holy?

What do I know of Holy?
What do I know of wounds that will heal my shame?
And a God who gave life it's name?
What do I know of Holy?
Of the One who the angels praise?
All creation knows Your name
On earth and heaven above
What do I know of this love?

What do I know of You, who spoke me into motion?
Where have I even stood, but the shore along Your ocean?
Are You fire? Are You fury? Are You sacred? Are You beautiful?
What do I know? What do I know of Holy?
What do I know of Holy?
What do I know of Holy?